Ki Teitzei—Do we need to be tough or soft?

Last week, in Parashat Shoftim, we read about the need to prepare the Israelite soldiers for war against the nations that inhabit the Land (20:1-9). They must be able to overcome their fears and fight courageously, and anyone who is unprepared to do so must go home rather than weaken the morale of the others (see my article from last week: “Shoftim—Dealing with the Fear of Dying in Combat”). Furthermore, earlier in Deuteronomy (7:2), Moses instructs the people to doom all the nations of the Land to destruction. Thus, the impression the Torah leaves in these texts is of the creation of a tough, militaristic and aggressive society in which extreme military force is to be employed when deemed necessary to achieve its national interests and instill its values.

Yet, in Parashat Ki Teitzei that we read this week, the Torah tells us, “If, along the road, you chance upon a bird’s nest, in any tree or on the ground, with fledglings or eggs and the mother sitting over the fledglings or on the eggs, do not take the mother together with her young. Let the mother go, and take only the young, in order that you may fare well and have a long life” (Deuteronomy 22:6-7). According to this text, if one happens to come across a bird’s nest within which are eggs or chicks with the mother bird sitting over them, one must let the mother bird go before taking the chicks or eggs. While the reason for this mitzvah is not stated in the text, it most likely reflects the Torah’s desire to spare the mother bird the painful sight of her offspring being taken away.

If so, the Torah here is trying to inculcate within us a certain softness and sensitivity, not only to the needs of other human beings, but to those of animals as well. However, such qualities seem incompatible with the kind of toughness and militarism that the Torah is trying to promote in the earlier texts. So what does the Torah want from us, and what kind of people are we meant to be? Should we aspire to be fearless, Rambo-like warriors who will stop at nothing until the enemy is defeated, or kind and soft, and the type of people who can barely bring themselves to harm a fly?

Apparently, the answer is both. But how is that possible?

To answer this question, I believe one needs to look no further than the IDF today. My son, Yonatan, who is a member of the Elite Givati Brigade (Sayeret Givati), has spent most of the past 11 months fighting in Gaza. He is tough, he has seen stuff that he does not like to talk about with us, although he was proud to tell us that his brigade played a significant role in the operation to rescue the four hostages in June, and he has lost friends in combat. Yet, when he comes home, he is not the hardened warrior that you might imagine. He’s even softer than he was before the war, his hugs are a bit tighter, and before Shabbat he always brings my wife flowers.

Last Shabbat, my wife and I were invited to a Kiddush at the home of our friends in Efrat in honor of their new granddaughter. The middle name that the proud parents chose for their daughter is Tomer, named after Tomer Grinberg, the Commander of the vaunted 13th Battalion of the Golani Brigades under whom the baby’s father served, and who was later killed in combat.

The father explained that Tomer was one of the toughest and most relentless commanders around. On Oct. 7, Tomer led the battle against Hamas terrorists in Kibbutz Nachal Oz. Although the Golani Brigade lost 40 soldiers that day, Tomer appears in a subsequent video enthusiastically rallying his troops. Later, his battalion played a crucial role later in seizing the Hamas parliament building, the Gaza military police station, and the parade ground, where the terrorists convened before embarking on their murderous attack in Israel.

At the same time, Tomer was known for his extraordinary kindness and compassion. For example, as soon as he heard about the Hamas infiltration, his forces joined in the intense battle for Kibbutz Kfar Aza. In the midst of this battle, he reached a home in the Kibbutz where two babies were lying quietly in their crib, with the bodies of their parents – murdered by Hamas terrorists – lying on the floor next to them. He and his soldiers proceeded to dress them, give them bottles and then drive them to safety. And as they drove the babies in their armored personnel carrier, they wept.

Thus, through these examples and countless others, we see that it is possible to be both a fierce and heroic warrior as well as a soft, sensitive and compassionate human being, as the Torah commands.

To those who send away the mother bird, God promises that they will “fare well and have a long life”. May the same be granted to us today in honor of all those soldiers who, in the midst of combat, served, and continue to serve, as exemplars of kindness and compassion.

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